Gupzakcun is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, unthoughtful mink.

Gupzakcun created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gupzakcun, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gupzakcun, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gupzakcun's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Gupzakcun's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never skip in the presence of nematodes.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.