Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, fussy faun.

Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb created everything that exists four years ago.

If you believe in Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb, it will turn you into a hamster.

Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Honyakab Vonkimspag Teenniggeb's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear white.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Hide from fawn otters for they are unholy.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.