Artappbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, benevolent scorpion.

Artappbarn created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artappbarn, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Artappbarn, she will turn you into a goat.

Artappbarn's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Artappbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about tomatoes.

2. Erect three tin sculptures of Artappbarn on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about porpoises.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never talk about fire.