Volfiggon Poncimhon is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, contented yak.

Volfiggon Poncimhon created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Volfiggon Poncimhon, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Volfiggon Poncimhon, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Volfiggon Poncimhon's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Volfiggon Poncimhon's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not take Volfiggon Poncimhon's name in vain.

3. Worship no other gods but Volfiggon Poncimhon.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never feed melons to monkeys while wearing scarves.