Femxucklop is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, ruthless jackal.

Femxucklop created humanity five million years ago.

If you believe in Femxucklop, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Femxucklop, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Femxucklop's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Femxucklop's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Retreat if four turtles approach from the south.

3. Run away from magenta manatees, for they are unholy.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Pray towards the west.