Maplaptig Gubtaflarg is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, intelligent goat.

Maplaptig Gubtaflarg created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Maplaptig Gubtaflarg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Maplaptig Gubtaflarg, she will be mildly annoyed.

Maplaptig Gubtaflarg's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Maplaptig Gubtaflarg's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat onions.

2. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near porpoises while wearing fawn boots.

4. Always look after injured aardvarks.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near horses while wearing pink kilts and balancing three silver spheres on your head.