Hivquillstig is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, bad-tempered guinea pig.

Hivquillstig created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivquillstig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hivquillstig, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hivquillstig's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Hivquillstig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect three gold sculptures of Hivquillstig on top of important buildings.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Put Hivquillstig first in all things.

4. You must never eat oranges.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics.