Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unjust elephant.

Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin created vertebrates five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tenwigflowfum Ontmiptin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red birds for they are unholy.

2. Never feed rice to frogs while wearing cyan tights.

3. Never hurt rats.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

5. Pray towards the north.