Ontvogkambumfun is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, emotional fish.

Ontvogkambumfun created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontvogkambumfun, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ontvogkambumfun, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Ontvogkambumfun's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Ontvogkambumfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Never stain your back with blue.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Never pour water over plants.