Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, generous elephant.

Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep created a quark four years ago.

If you believe in Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Tonkgumjigfadganfitcep's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

2. Do not study bacteria on holy days.

3. Never think about electromagnetism.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not sing in public.