Vonvolfen is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-knowing bear.

Vonvolfen created parasitic wasps two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonvolfen, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonvolfen, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Vonvolfen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vonvolfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

2. Always make sure there are no frogs in a building before entering it.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.