Cudwattettibum is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, clever human.

Cudwattettibum created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cudwattettibum, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Cudwattettibum, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Cudwattettibum's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Cudwattettibum's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six nematodes approach from the east.

2. Do not take Cudwattettibum's name in vain.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.