Zimcumbam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, loving jaguar.

Zimcumbam created silver five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimcumbam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zimcumbam, it will boil you in a big pot.

Zimcumbam's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Zimcumbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant near snakes.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Erect six iron sculptures of Zimcumbam on top of important buildings.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.