Japwigzagtip is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, loving pig.

Japwigzagtip created the Milkyway three million years ago.

If you believe in Japwigzagtip, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Japwigzagtip, it will turn you into a mouse.

Japwigzagtip's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Japwigzagtip's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Japwigzagtip seven times a day.

2. Never feed parsnips to mice while wearing mauve rings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a building before entering it.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near turtles while wearing fawn scarves and balancing three zinc spheres on your face.