Vabdavdap is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast grasshopper.

Vabdavdap created parasitic wasps nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vabdavdap, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vabdavdap, she will turn you into a puffin.

Vabdavdap's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Vabdavdap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Retreat if six great tits approach from the south.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.