Cetjabarm is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, blissful grasshopper.

Cetjabarm created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cetjabarm, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cetjabarm, he will make you grow a tail.

Cetjabarm's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Cetjabarm's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always help sick geese.

5. You must pray to Cetjabarm three times a day.