Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, omnipotent hippopotamus.

Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg, she will turn you into a frog.

Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hapgeblarphomnakmumcebbeg.

2. Never feed cherries to badgers while wearing jumpers.

3. Never eat lemons.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not make images of living things.