Farnvonkarf is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, temperamental newt.

Farnvonkarf created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Farnvonkarf, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Farnvonkarf, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Farnvonkarf's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Farnvonkarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed wheat to whales while wearing purple rings.

2. Worship no other gods but Farnvonkarf.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never run near seals.

5. Never mention badgers.