Ponzimbaf is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, fussy clam.

Ponzimbaf created a photon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ponzimbaf, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Ponzimbaf, she will turn you into a goat.

Ponzimbaf's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Ponzimbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the east.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not eat limes.

5. Hide if five sheep approach from the west.