Narlcuntik is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, selfish badger.

Narlcuntik created the Milkyway eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlcuntik, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narlcuntik, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Narlcuntik's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Narlcuntik's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Narlcuntik.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never mention otters.