Janruttflam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional scorpion.

Janruttflam created light six billion years ago.

If you believe in Janruttflam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Janruttflam, he will cry a lot.

Janruttflam's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Janruttflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair pink.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Janruttflam in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Never hurt eagles.