Ranbitlad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, thoughtless porpoise.

Ranbitlad created the Whirlpool Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ranbitlad, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ranbitlad, she will turn you into a mouse.

Ranbitlad's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Ranbitlad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Ranbitlad loves doves, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near birds while wearing mauve coats.

4. Erect nine zinc sculptures of Ranbitlad on top of important buildings.

5. Always wear red.