Japlarpciss is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, witty coyote.

Japlarpciss created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japlarpciss, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Japlarpciss, he will turn you into a hamster.

Japlarpciss' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Japlarpciss' Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.