Dossteenbod is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent fairy.

Dossteenbod created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dossteenbod, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dossteenbod, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Dossteenbod's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Dossteenbod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Hide if seven great tits approach from the south.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Put Dossteenbod first in all things.