Dontalkom Japstipben is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking tapir.

Dontalkom Japstipben created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dontalkom Japstipben, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Dontalkom Japstipben, she will be mildly annoyed.

Dontalkom Japstipben's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Dontalkom Japstipben's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near grasshopers while wearing orange coats and balancing eight gold spheres on your legs.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Hide if four foxes approach from the south.

5. Do not covet oxen.