Taphimkam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, ruthless naga.

Taphimkam created the Black Eye Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taphimkam, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Taphimkam, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Taphimkam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Taphimkam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat gooseberries.

2. Always help porpoises in need.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

5. Worship no other gods but Taphimkam.