Tarpweegid is a god.

He takes the form of a small, ruthless dove.

Tarpweegid created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpweegid, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tarpweegid, he will have a low opinion of you.

Tarpweegid's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tarpweegid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter.

2. Feed all hungry monkeys.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide if four voles approach from the west.