Bell Bemtadbif is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, selfish crocodile.

Bell Bemtadbif created the Black Eye Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bell Bemtadbif, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bell Bemtadbif, she will curse you with boils.

Bell Bemtadbif's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bell Bemtadbif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

2. Feed all hungry dogs.

3. Do not dye your hair blue.

4. You must love Bell Bemtadbif.

5. Hide if three gulls approach from the north.