Yogsogpark is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, all-knowing crab.

Yogsogpark created the cosmos three billion years ago.

If you believe in Yogsogpark, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Yogsogpark, he will turn you into a mouse.

Yogsogpark's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Yogsogpark's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.