Gancid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent cat.

Gancid created the cosmos five million years ago.

If you believe in Gancid, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gancid, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gancid's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Gancid's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Gancid.

2. Erect a giant white sculpture of Gancid in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.