Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, irritating gorilla.

Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn created a photon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always obey Fotwangan Panlentig Benflowarn's priests.

3. Hide if eight birds approach from the east.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Always wear gray.