Armranster Kontailpak is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, charitable scorpion.

Armranster Kontailpak created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armranster Kontailpak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Armranster Kontailpak, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Armranster Kontailpak's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Armranster Kontailpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill grasshopers.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Armranster Kontailpak.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.