Dogfuncin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonourable deer.

Dogfuncin created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogfuncin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dogfuncin, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Dogfuncin's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Dogfuncin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Always wear black.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near manatees while wearing fawn skirts and balancing five aluminium spheres on your legs.

5. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.