Mapcinweg is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, astonishing crab.

Mapcinweg created matter two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapcinweg, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Mapcinweg, he will not care.

Mapcinweg's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Mapcinweg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed nuts to seals while wearing red tights.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mapcinweg.

3. Do not kill goats.

4. Put Mapcinweg first in all things.

5. Always stare at clouds.