Lapcubpan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, impressive manatee.

Lapcubpan created matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapcubpan, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lapcubpan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Lapcubpan's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Lapcubpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt eagles.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lapcubpan.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.