Pitcem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, staggering mongoose.

Pitcem created Europe four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitcem, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pitcem, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Pitcem's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Pitcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about stars.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never talk about dolphins.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Always help snails.