Flatfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, bad-tempered dove.

Flatfoss created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfoss, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flatfoss, it will laugh at you.

Flatfoss' most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Flatfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always help swans.

4. Erect three aluminium sculptures of Flatfoss on top of important buildings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.