Teenfunjin is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, competent gorilla.

Teenfunjin created humanity six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenfunjin, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Teenfunjin, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Teenfunjin's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Teenfunjin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never sprint in the presence of whales.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.