Kikbesston is a god.

He takes the form of a small, grumpy guinea pig.

Kikbesston created the Andromeda Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kikbesston, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kikbesston, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kikbesston's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Kikbesston's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine seals approach from the north.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Never think ill of sick ducks.