Tinkapbag Appnurthim is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, thoughtless seal.

Tinkapbag Appnurthim created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinkapbag Appnurthim, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tinkapbag Appnurthim, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tinkapbag Appnurthim's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tinkapbag Appnurthim's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Tinkapbag Appnurthim loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Tinkapbag Appnurthim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.