Govpadlat is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, idiotic owl.

Govpadlat created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govpadlat, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Govpadlat, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Govpadlat's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Govpadlat's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Do not hurt capybaras.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Govpadlat.

5. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Govpadlat on top of all buildings.