Vilmatsid is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, selfish crane.

Vilmatsid created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilmatsid, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vilmatsid, he will turn you into a rock.

Vilmatsid's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Vilmatsid's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Vilmatsid must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not commit murder.