Queeghenbap is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, irritating dolphin.

Queeghenbap created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queeghenbap, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Queeghenbap, he will turn you into a goat.

Queeghenbap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Queeghenbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in holy places.

2. Never feed lots of limes to pigs while wearing brown shirts.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics.

5. Never talk about fire.