Bemhivfid is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, merciless crocodile.

Bemhivfid created Africa eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemhivfid, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bemhivfid, it will laugh at you.

Bemhivfid's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Bemhivfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach forests carrying wood.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Never touch water while unclean.

4. Always act with humility when addressing priests.

5. Always count to eight before sleeping.