Tofgessnur is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, flying ant.

Tofgessnur created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofgessnur, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tofgessnur, it will throw large rocks at you.

Tofgessnur's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tofgessnur's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Tofgessnur.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed pineapples to capybaras while wearing brown scarves.

5. Always take life seriously.