Betbasszaglarpcad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, loving turtle.

Betbasszaglarpcad created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Betbasszaglarpcad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Betbasszaglarpcad, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Betbasszaglarpcad's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Betbasszaglarpcad's Holy Commandments

1. Betbasszaglarpcad loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.