Bestnarweemitflis is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, vain goblin.

Bestnarweemitflis created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bestnarweemitflis, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bestnarweemitflis, it will try to impress you with trees.

Bestnarweemitflis' most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Bestnarweemitflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear fawn coats.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.