Dapkabmut Yatcunjab is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, uncaring parrot.

Dapkabmut Yatcunjab created the planet Venus six million years ago.

If you believe in Dapkabmut Yatcunjab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dapkabmut Yatcunjab, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Dapkabmut Yatcunjab's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Dapkabmut Yatcunjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat dogs with great respect.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Dapkabmut Yatcunjab in the centre of the settlement.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never paint your legs magenta.