Bonkomincun is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, stupid spider.

Bonkomincun created the planet Saturn four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkomincun, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bonkomincun, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bonkomincun's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Bonkomincun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Never feed oranges to whales while wearing coats.

3. Do not dye your hair orange.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never sprint near voles.