Quagbindiss is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unselfish tapir.

Quagbindiss created a bottom quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagbindiss, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quagbindiss, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Quagbindiss' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Quagbindiss' Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in holy places.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Quagbindiss loves dogs, so they must be respected.