Nilflowjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, impressive newt.

Nilflowjarn created vertebrates seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilflowjarn, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nilflowjarn, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Nilflowjarn's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Nilflowjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Learn nine new languages a year.

4. Always wear white.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.